Hey 1952…
Hey 1952, I can no longer live in your reality. As a woman who works full-time, has children, a husband and a home, I just can’t do it. I can no longer be two people at once, a 1950’s woman and a 1950’s man. This realization is beyond empowering. I am reevaluating some of my boundaries and I am making some big changes because I am no longer afraid to defy these crazy and unattainable standards.
In the 1950s, women were starting to enter the workforce, but many women remained in the home. Some of the priorities for a 1950’s woman were a clean and tidy home, healthy happy children, delicious food, and a happy husband. They were expected to look good, dress nicely, put on their makeup every day and be a community contributor. Excellent stuff there, I can totally get behind this… check, check, check… all of these things I am expected to achieve in my 2022 life. No problem… right?
In the 1950s, men figured prominently in the workforce. They were responsible to bring significant dollars into the household, they were breadwinners, their family counted on them to provide, they paid important bills, they planned for the future, they were expected to grow their careers. They helped to discipline their children and took on leadership roles in the community. Excellent stuff, noble goals… check, check, check… it’s good stuff — but — all of these things I am also expected to achieve in my 2022 life. No problem…
Really…..no problem? I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given and I am not sure I want to trade all of these things….but something has to give. Is it reasonable for me to achieve 1950’s standards for both men and women? Even if there were days I could achieve these things, is it sustainable? How am I expected to excel in both of these areas? I am left with a recurring question in my life that pops up when I start to lose my balance… is this reasonable?
How did I adopt these personal and societal expectations? I suspect it’s a combination of watching the women around me, growing up in a traditional society, and being a bit of a perfectionist who lives to achieve. When did I decide that I would accept these expectations for my life? Did I accept them or was I so busy I didn’t notice the insanity? Can I really feel successful and accomplished when I hold myself to these standards? NO WAY!
The pandemic is giving me pause to reflect on some of the rules I have established for myself to feel successful. Here are a few of the rules that immediately come to mind:
“The neatness and cleanness of my home are a reflection of my control and success.” — Poppy Cock! The state of my home is the result of 7 people living in a confined space with a dog who want to do many things besides clean the house. Personal learning: I will explore new strategies and standards of neatness and cleanliness in my home.
“I must always be looking for the next step in my career, to grow and to achieve. If there is an opportunity to take a step in my career and it is presented, I should go for it.” — Perfectionist nonsense! The benefit of 2022 is that I get to choose my career path, I have options not presented in the past and I can use my feelings and reason to decide what I want to do next. Personal learning: I will allow myself to make decisions that are best for me.
“I am responsible for, and in charge of, all that happens to me.” — CRAZY TALK. Stuff happens to me all the time that I don’t have control over. Why do I beat myself up for things I can’t control? I am responsible to show up and do my best. EVERYONE is responsible to do that, my husband, my kids, and my colleagues. Personal learning: I will work on my boundaries and do a better job recognizing what I can and can not control and change.
Reality check. 1952 was 70 years ago and you can’t be two different people at the same time. We have an opportunity to chart new boundaries for ourselves and develop new societal norms and expectations. I want to make space to explore some of these unrealistic rules and roles I have established in my life.
I challenge you to ask yourself, what rules do you have that are useful? What rules do you have that are useless? How can you create rules in your life that are helpful and not harmful? And finally, have you made time in your life to prioritize the things that make you happy? My friend, you deserve a happy life … not to exist to serve made-up rules and notions from a bygone era.
I am going to try and set some personal boundaries that are intentional and helpful in my life. I am giving up on expectations I will never achieve, not because I am not good enough, but because I am not two people. I am working on accepting this… are you? Can you? Do you need help with this? I can help… I’ve been there too… smack dab in the middle of 1952!
